Wonderful
by Anone
Summary: From Everclear's Wonderful. Matt's POV on everything from his paren't fighting to after the divorce. This is a REALLY sad fic so bring tissues and beware! R & R Onegai


Hello! This is a really old story(two years old) which I have COMPLETELY revamped!! Anyways….here ya go, and I hope some of the people who enjoyed this before :.:cough:.;twoyearsago:.:cough:.: Will enjoy it even better this time around!! Thank YOU! ANONE

OOOO again, a note…. I think I slightly altered the lyrics for this song (or at least their order/appearance for aesthetics. 

And I don't own the Wonderful song, nor digimon  
  
   
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Hey, isn't life wonderful.….. ?  
  
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                They were starting up again. I know this because Dad told TK and I to go to our rooms. "I thinks its time for you boys to head on over to your rooms…" he said kindly, the edges of his eyes crinkling. They always tell us to go to our rooms when they begin to fight…they think we can't hear them through our "strong wooden doors" I guess. So my dad told me and TK to go to our room. I got up from the table stiffly, still hungry, my fists clenched, hoping that they would know how angry they were making me…maybe then they'd feel bad and cut this out. I resisted the urge to explode at them as I stomped to my room, if I could I would scream until my lungs were raw---and tell them how stupid they were being and how much I hated them. If they're anything that made my spine tingle and my hair stand on in and my chest puff out as if ready to scream--- it was their ceaseless FIGHTING.   
  
           But there was no screaming on my part. I skulked over to TK's door, making sure he was safely inside the confines of his small room. Then I leaned casually on the wall, next to the kitchen door but still out of their view. Forcing my very breath to quiet and slow, I bit my lip and listened to their hushed voices.   
  
           "I don't believe it Nancy!! You've had this job for two days, and your already FIRED??"  
  
            "Hey! It wasn't my fault! I bust my butt all day taking care of our children and then I have to go to work! I get NO sleep Robert! NO sleep whatsoever!!  
  
            "That's no excuse!! I work more than required each day just to have a little extra money to use on you guys!! And I haven't been fired! This makes no sense!!"  
  
            My mother pounded the table. "On us eh? You use the money on us?? Since when was the last time you took us out for a decent dinner?? I'm telling you Rob, these boys can't live on Macaroni and cheese."   
  
            Tears were running down her pale cheeks now, and as I watched my lovely mother as she suffered for our sake my eyes threatened to spill over as well.   
  
            Dad had no response. He grabbed his dish and threw it to the floor, where it shattered and Microwavable lasagna smeared all over the white tile. _"That's another fifteen minutes of cleaning for Mom..." _I thought miserably. Next, Dad slammed his chair into the table, startling me so much that I scrambled to my room, in case Dad decided to burst out of the kitchen. And even from my room, I could hear the thunderous "slam" of the door as he left.  
  
             Once the ringing in my ears died, I heard another, gentler, sound that made my heart break. Mom was crying, no sobbing, the heart-wrenching bawling unable to stop crying. With that the urge was unstoppable. I shuffled slowly to the kitchen, my heart aching to help my broken mother.   
  
             "Ummm...Mom?" I said quietly.  
  
           She stopped sobbing, and glared at me. Then before I could register even the slightest movement--she slapped me. HARD. At first I was sure I had dreamed it. She wouldn't slap me. She had no reason to. I was just coming to help her. When the numbing pain set in though, I realized it was real. I felt my cerulean eyes harden, unbidden.  
  
            "We told you to get in your room Yamato Ishida." She growled.   
  
            Controlled by an unquenchable rage, I grabbed another plate off the table and hurled it against the wall, partly to mock Dad's movements, and partly to relieve my anger by showing my Mom what I thought of her right now. But I knew I wasn't angry. I was hurt. My heart hurt, my soul hurt…my spirit hurt…Then I started to cry, big fat tears rolling from my eyes…and I sprinted to my room where I collapsed on my bed and sobbed. A few minutes later, just as I thought she would, my mother came in, her eyes still wet. She crawled up next to me in bed and stroked my hair and whispered apologies to me. I remember the gentle, sweet, fragrance of her perfume, and the warm softness of her skin as she coaxed me to sleep.  
  
  
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I close my eyes when it gets too sad,  
  


I think thoughts that I know are bad.  
  


Close my eyes and I count to ten,  
  


Hope it's over when I open them…  
  
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              It was a few weeks later when the next straw was broken. I didn't know exactly what time it was when I was woken up; only that the light of the sun no longer glowed from behind my curtains, and that I didn't want to leave my warm bed. But I remember my Mom' soft voice in my ear, and her cool hands on my arms as she gently shook me awake.  
  
                 "What is it...?" I asked softly, rubbing blearily at my eyes.  
  
             Mom smiled, and told me to put on some warm clothes. I had a chance to look at my clock. It was only 10:00. I did what she said, and she somehow managed to get me in the car. I'm telling you, it's hard to wake me up, so she practically had to drag me out to her little Convertible bug. She started up the car and the billowing warmth from the heaters swept me away to the world of blurred neon and night action outside, as I dozed with my head against the window…And, the next thing I knew, we were in the parking lot of an all night carnival. I gasped in pleasure.  
  
                 "What's up Mom? What are we doing here?"  
  
                  She smiled sadly. "It's... our apology for our behavior. Your dad took TK somewhere, and I'm taking you here."  
  
                   My heart swelled with joy at those words. This was the first time in a while that I remember feeling truly carefree and happy. I gave her a huge hug, and we went off to ride some rides.   
  
                   And then it was about 11:30. The time flew, for we were indeed having fun. We were sitting on a bench, eating some cotton candy and chatting about something that was no doubt of little importance. We still had the whole night to be here, and it was still swarming with people. It would've been great, but then I heard a furious voice that made my blood run cold.  
  


"NANCY!! What do you think your doing??" My mom's mouth gaped open in horror as we turned to see Dad storming towards us, TK in tow.  
  
                My mom stood in front of me with a determined look on her face. I was scared. Dad was really mad. He was red faced and down on his neck I could see a little vein throbbing.  
  
              "What are you thinking, bringing Matt here??" He bellowed. A little crest of anger rose within me, but I did nothing.  
  
              "You told me I could take him somewhere."  
  
               He slapped his forehead in aggravation. I hated to see him do that. It made me want to hit him. "You KNOW we don't have the money to bring him here. I took TK to get ice cream, but no, you had to go and spend all our money on the brat so he can have a few hours of rides that he isn't gonna remember and food that'll end up on his shirt or on the ground when he throws up _from_ the rides he won't remember save that he threw up on them. Those rides which, may I add, cost about seven dollars a piece," he accused, pointing a rigid finger at me. Mom growled, and put a protective hand on my shoulder. His words hurt…he didn't care about me…not at all… The little wave of anger that had welled within me grew and grew, flooding through my body and mind…making horrible ideas come into my head…things I wished I could do to dad right now.  
  
           I pulled away from my mother, and for some reason, my parents fell silent and just stared at me. Dad looked horrified about what he had just said, but didn't offer any kind of apology.  
  
           I didn't cry, I couldn't. There was no more sadness, just a searing hate. If you felt sadness towards someone, that proves that you care for them. I definitely did not feel sad.   
  
          "I hate you dad." I mumbled.  
  
          His eyes narrowed dangerously. 'WHAT was that?"  
  
           "I hate you!!" I screamed. Somehow, I managed to knock him off balance and land a good punch on his cheek before I grabbed TK and pulled him away. With the commotion of the festivalgoers and the cries of my parents I dragged TK away with me, urging him to run…run FASTER. And for a while us two brothers ran aimlessly around the carnival, avoiding our parent's voices at all times, ducking under rides around vendors carts, weaving between masses of people, until we were so tired we could barely stand.   
  
            Then the game ended when we walked feebly, tired emotionally and physically, around a corner and right into our parents awaiting arms.   
  
  
  
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I want the things that I had before,   
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door.  
I wish I could count to ten,  
Make everything be wonderful again.  
  
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             It was two days later, when they tried once again to "apologize." They sat TK and I down, and said they were sorry and would try not to fight in front of us as much. It was one of the most pathetic apologies ever, if you ask me. I let them hug me though. I don't know why. Just weary I guess.  
  


It was another two days when they started cursing at each other. They had never cursed before. In fact, TK and I were severely punished when we said even the most "miniscule" of bad words. As we sat there, once again in our separate rooms… we could only listen as the curses flew around the room…like bricks, from the mouth of one parent and slamming into the heart of the other. I would've given anything to block the words from TK's innocent ears. He didn't deserve to hear them, but he heard them anyway did. He sat alone in his silent room, and I knew he could hear them. When I talked to him about it later, He promised me he would never use them. I don't know what I did to deserve such a good little brother.  
  
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Hold my Mom and I hold my dad,  
We'll figure out why they get so mad,  
Hear them scream, I hear them fight,  
They say bad words that make me wanna cry.  
  
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             When you're in a position like TK and I was, the best part of your day was when you got to go to bed and dream. It was odd, but…one thing that I would often dream of was a strange place. It was kinda like the wilds of this world…but it was filled with odd monsters that weren't quite….right looking. I believe it was called the Digital World. Silly huh?  I would give anything to be there, no, for me AND TK to be there. I wouldn't mind about long days of hunger and sleepless nights. In fact, I wouldn't mind if that's how it was all the time, as long as we weren't here anymore.  
  
            Besides fighting and Dad smacking his forehead in his annoyance, another thing I found I couldn't stand, was when my mom told TK that it would all be wonderful someday. Because it won't. But TK seemed to buy it, and it made him a little happier, so I guess in a way it made me a little happier too.  
  
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Close my eyes when I go to bed,  
And I dream of adventures that make me smile.  
I feel better when I hear them say,  
"Everything will be wonderful some day."  
What Mama says means everything when you're little,  
And the worlds so big.  
I just don't understand how

you can smile with all those tears in your eyes,  
Tell me "Everything is wonderful now."  
  
Please don't tell me, everything is wonderful now...  
  
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            Today was my first day of sixth grade. I met some new kids, a LOT of new kids! I was surprised! I even remember their names:  Tai, Sora, Mimi, Izzy, and Jyou. Jyou was one year older than Sora, Tai, and I, while Mimi and Izzy were a year younger than us, but we hung out together during breaks and passing periods. I didn't feel much like playing, so during lunch I ate silently and then sat outside on a stone bench and stared at the ground. I didn't mind. The bench was warm from the sun and I was tired, so I was content to just doze there. But Tai came up to me in no time at all. He put his arm on my shoulder, and asked what was wrong. I regret what I did now. I pulled away, and told him to leave me alone. I apologized later of course, and laughed it off. He asked me again what was wrong later that day. Is it really that obvious? I guess so, because Sora and Mimi asked me that as well. All I could do was lie, and say that everything was okay.  
  
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I go to school and I run an' play,  
I tell the kids that it's all okay.  
I have to laugh so my friends won' t know,  
But when the bell rings I just don't wanna go.  
Go to my room and close my eyes,  
I make believe that I have a new life,  
I don't believe you when you say "Everything will be wonderful some day..."  
  
********************** Four years later***********************  
  
              Things have just gone downhill, even from the digital world. My dad abuses me. I've tried to stop him physically, but he only hurts me more. He threatens to give me a "painful death" if I tell anyone, and then he threatens TK's life as well. That's another thing. They separated TK and I, that's the thing I hate most. TK was the only thing I enjoyed. Summer has just started, and it's a long stretch till school starts again… There's enough hate in my heart now that I think I could kill. Which, I guess, is what I'm about to do. Flickerings of ideas of suicide have always been present in me…but I never thought I would actually go through with it…and maybe I won't…we'll see, I suppose… who'da thought that a savior of the world would go down like this….?   
  


I tossed the assortment of sleeping pills and painkillers in my mouth, all red and white and shiny capsules… way too many… way too many for one body to handle….sighing, a flicker of fear jolting my heart…I laid down on my bed and held to my chest a little blue bear…most of its fur threadbare and it's shiny black nose chipped….it was old…won from a carnival years before….  
  
  
Too late to tell me everything is wonderful now....  
  
  
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Anone: Well, there ya go! YAY! Please review everyone! I'd be mighty grateful!! HEEYUK! 

LOL…..I crack myself up. 

Anone, signing off… 5-21-03 4:58:17


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